Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Mommy Makeup Tutorial

The Most Hilariously Terrible Mommy Makeup Tutorial of All Times by Mommy Cusses

Hey ladies! Are you a tired mom who doesn't have a lot of time in the morning to put on makeup? I feel you. That's why I've come up with this super simple mommy makeup tutorial.

First thing's first. Let's take off all our makeup from yesterday because you passed out with it on and don't have time to shower today. I recommend using baby wipes. Mmm, that's fresh.
taking off your makeup

Now, we need to cover up all of this. Just use your favorite foundation, BB cream, CC cream, Spackle. Smear it all over your face. I like to use my painting palette knife.
putting on foundation
mommy makeup tutorial applying foundation

Cover your lips with red. I'm using the shade Desperately Wants To Look 18 Again. Perfect.

mommy makeup tutorial red lipstick

Now, put some color on your cheeks to trick people into thinking you're actually alive. I'm using the color Please, God, Make Me Pretty.
mommy makeup tutorial applying blush

Now let's tackle those dark abysses under your empty eyes.

Okay, this is the one serious thing I'll say in this whole post, this Age Rewind stuff by Maybeline is pretty amazing. If you put age rewind on anything, I'll buy it. Age rewind cereal? Buying it. Age rewind tampons? Done.
mommy makeup tutorial dark circles

If you want a more dramatic look, you could just take a picture of a model from a magazine, cut out her non-dark circles and apply those to your face using some left over Modge Podge from that DIY project you failed miserably at (I really hope that anyone reading this gets that this is not meant for real life and that modge podge will actually burn your face, trust me, I know).

Yup, perfect.

If you have a little extra time, why not put on some falsies? I prefer using the eyelashes of a virgin.

Eyeliner. If you want your eyeliner to last, you could use a Sharpie. 
mommy makeup tutorial sharpie eyeliner
**Warning, DO NOT DO THIS**  

Make sure to sweep upwards at the ends for that cat eye effect because let's face it, you're in a hopeless battle with gravity.
mommy makeup tutorial eyeliner

Now for some contouring. Main areas you should highlight are the middle of your nose, the tops of your cheeks, and underneath your eyebrows.
mommy makeup tutorial contouring highlighting
mommy makeup tutorial contouring highlighting

Areas you want to shade are your cheekbones, the outer edges of your
forehead, the outside of the bridge of your nose, and your double chin. I'm using brown face paint left over from last Halloween.

mommy makeup tutorial contouring shading
mommy makeup contouring shading

Now, to set your makeup, just get some Maximum Hold hair spray and spray your face like you're mad at it.

mommy makeup tutorial finished complete face

You look stunning!

I hope you enjoyed my tutorial! Don't forget to comment and share pictures of your Mommy Makeup results!

A Cornish Mum


  1. No time for makeup. I'm happy if I can manage to brush my teeth and shower. :)

    1. Oh yes, I totally get that. Most days I only put makeup on if I'm leaving the house.

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you! :) I live for moments I can crack people up as much as I do myself.

  3. I love the sharpie method I will have to try that one soon hee hee!!

  4. Hahahah you totally inspire me to stay miles away from make up... :))

    1. I'm just trying to stay hip with all this contouring business.

  5. Hahahahha omg the "highlighting" with an actual highlighter made me laugh outloud! You so funny! Xox Rory

  6. Love it! I had this moment where I thought 'eek she's serious and using an actual pallet knife!' Very funny though, thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x

  7. Love it! I had this moment where I thought 'eek she's serious and using an actual pallet knife!' Very funny though, thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x


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