Thursday, October 22, 2015

If Moms Were Given Medals

I had the privilege to be raised a "Navy brat" by the most badass old-school sailor ever and I can remember admiring all of the ribbons on my dad's uniform.

Besides having immense pride for our military, my father also instilled in me a great sense of humor and my most favoritest feature, the exquisite ability to cuss like a sailor.

After finally winning the nightly War On Bedtime with my tiny terror, I began to wonder, what types of awards would mothers get?

By no means am I comparing mothers to soldiers. I mean, we have it rough sometimes but c'mon now.

Take a look below, see which ribbons you would be awarded, print them out if you wish and tape them onto your shirt (not that I did that...shit, one of them is stuck to the cat...). Happy laughing, ladies ;)



If moms were given awards medal of keeping your cool

 Medal Of Keeping Your Cool

If moms were given awards honorable discharge of a tiny person

 Honorable Discharge Of A Tiny Person

If moms were given awards pregnancy campaign medal

Pregnancy Campaign Medal

If moms were given awards silver vagina of childbirth medal

 Silver Vagina Of Childbirth Medal

If moms were given awards infant campaign medal

Infant Campaign Medal

If moms were given medals toddler campaign medal

Toddler Campaign Medal

If moms were given medals poople heart

Poo-ple Heart

If moms were given medals peeple heart

Pee-ple Heart

If moms were given medals mama bear action medal

 Mama Bear Action Medal 

If moms were given medals spit up defense medal

Spit-Up Defense Medal

If moms were given medals expert mac and cheese maker medal

Expert Mac 'n' Cheese Maker Medal

If moms were given medals expert chicken nugget orderer ribbon

Expert Chicken Nugget Orderer Ribbon

If moms were given medals tantrum liberation medal

Tantrum Liberation Medal

If moms were given medals weird things have exited my hoo ha lapel pin

Weird Things Have Exited My Hoo-Ha Lapel Pin

If moms were given medals chewed nipple medal

Chewed Nipple Medal

If moms were given medals swaddle achievement medal

Swaddle Achievement Medal

If moms were given medals prisoner of tiny human medal

Prisoner Of Tiny Human Medal

If moms were given medals putting shoes on flailing child victory medal

Putting Shoes On Flailing Child Victory Medal

If moms were given medals war on a tiny terror service medal

War On A Tiny Terror Service Medal

If moms were given medals outstanding peek a boo skills medal

Outstanding Peek-A-Boo Skills Medal

If moms were given medals bedtime battle participation ribbon

Bedtime Battle Participation Ribbon

If moms were given medals cold war timeout shriek and stare down medal

Cold War Timeout Shriek & Stare Down Medal

If moms were given medals repeat cartoon and movie watching participation medal

Repeat Cartoon/Movie Watching Participation Medal