I had the privilege to be raised a "Navy brat" by the most badass old-school sailor ever and I can remember admiring all of the ribbons on my dad's uniform.
Besides having immense pride for our military, my father also instilled in me a great sense of humor and my most favoritest feature, the exquisite ability to cuss like a sailor.
After finally winning the nightly War On Bedtime with my tiny terror, I began to wonder, what types of awards would mothers get?
By no means am I comparing mothers to soldiers. I mean, we have it rough sometimes but c'mon now.
Take a look below, see which ribbons you would be awarded, print them out if you wish and tape them onto your shirt (not that I did that...shit, one of them is stuck to the cat...). Happy laughing, ladies ;)
Medal Of Keeping Your Cool
Honorable Discharge Of A Tiny Person
Pregnancy Campaign Medal
Silver Vagina Of Childbirth Medal
Infant Campaign Medal
Toddler Campaign Medal
Mama Bear Action Medal
Spit-Up Defense Medal
Expert Mac 'n' Cheese Maker Medal
Expert Chicken Nugget Orderer Ribbon
Tantrum Liberation Medal
Weird Things Have Exited My Hoo-Ha Lapel Pin
Chewed Nipple Medal
Swaddle Achievement Medal
Prisoner Of Tiny Human Medal
Putting Shoes On Flailing Child Victory Medal
War On A Tiny Terror Service Medal
Outstanding Peek-A-Boo Skills Medal
Bedtime Battle Participation Ribbon
Cold War Timeout Shriek & Stare Down Medal
Repeat Cartoon/Movie Watching Participation Medal