Friday, November 6, 2015

No Sleep Mommy: A Children's Book Parody

I'm at it again with the children's book parodies because they're pretty rad. It's a spontaneous writing adventure and you never know what you're going to end up with. This time I'm doing a parody of the classic children's book Goodnight Moon, written by Margaret Wise Brown. Only this one is titled No Sleep Mommy.

Goodnight Moon funny children's book parody No Sleep Mommy

In the great big bed
There was a husband 
And a miniature human
And no room for -

Mommy to get some goddamn sleep

And there were fists flailing and feet trampling my spine
And two GI Joes 
And a couple of assholes

And a little tyrant 

toddlers are assholes

And a nervous breakdown rising from my core

And a snore and a fart and a puddle of drool
And me clinging to the mattress, trying to keep from being bucked off

Goodbye sanity
Goodbye Tom Hardy dreams

Eff you, cat jumping on my head
Hello random thoughts
And the song stuck in my head

Goodnight sorority sisters
Goodnight bachelors
Goodnight to my nightlife

My joke about never co-sleeping was a hilarious one

Goodnight clock that reads 2:01
And goodnight chores I didn't get done

Goodnight sink full of dirty dishes
And goodnight clothes molding in the washing machine. Shit.

Goodbye personal space
And goodbye patience

Goodnight everyone in the world, except of course me

Funny mom meme

Hello brain

And hello to over analyzing everything

Goodbye hopes
Goodbye dreams

Cheers to moms everywhere not getting any sleep.


I hope you enjoyed my rendition of Goodnight Moon and got a few chuckles in. Raise your hand if you find this illustration a bit unsettling:

goodnight moon old lady whispering hush creepy

Go away, Grandma, you're making everyone at my sleepover feel uncomfortable.

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