Wednesday, December 30, 2015

How To Do Laundry In 11 (Not So)Easy Steps

Laundry, ugh, I break out in hives just thinking about the epic shit storm that this chore consists of.

But we mustn't look like a bunch of hobos so laundry is a necessary evil. Unless you're a husband. Then, you just drop socks and underwear all over the effing place and they magically appear all clean and folded in your drawer.

So how does one do the laundry? It's a very complicated 11-ish step process, at least in my homestead. Gather 'round, folks, and witness the lazy housewife's plight:

funny how to do laundry
This is an example of what I don't look like on laundry day

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Home Alone 2: How Much Did The McCallister's Christmas Vacation Cost?

"Someone actually figured out how much the Christmas vacation/s on Home Alone 2 cost? They need to get a life!" Ah, I love the smell of being judged. But you know what? Yes I did.  You're welcome. And don't try to act like you're not the least bit curious.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Mommy Raps

Mom-ified rap songs

[Mom trying to pee in peace]
Mom, mooooom, mommy!
Seriously, get your fingers out from under the door
Hey, baby, hey,, go get some animal crackers
Calm down, calm down child
With so much drama in this H-O-U-S-E
It's kinda hard being M-O- double M...Y (wait, that doesn't rhyme)
But I, somehow, some way
Keep coming up with fun activities every single day
May I (why, yes, you may!), cook a little something for the kids (yeah)
and, run a few errands as (yeah!) I cruise, through town
Three in the afternoon and cartoons are still on
'cause my spouse ain't home
I got a kid in the living room throwing a tantrum
and, he ain't going to bed until eight at night (eight at night)
So what you wanna do, shooooot
I got a sink full of dishes and my dishwasher is full
So turn off the lights and close the doors
"But...." (what's wrong?) , "You didn't put my night light on." Oh yeah!
Now I'm gonna have a Netflix marathon
Feet up, Frozen off, while you kiddos snooze

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Facebook Emojis I Wish Existed

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I know, I know. But emojis were created so that we can say things without teeechnically saying things. Still, sometimes you see posts on social media that you just don't know how to respond to or deserve something besides a thumbs up.

Well, gather 'round, boys and girls *slams fist on table* because as usual, I have put something amazingly useless together for your entertainment: Facebook Emojis I Wish Existed.