Friday, March 31, 2017

How To (Not) Get Your Child In A Car Seat

There are few tasks that yield as much resistance and mind-fuckery from your child than getting them into their car seat.

It all sounds so simple: pick up your kid, set them down in their car seat, adjust and secure the car seat straps, and drive off into the sunset. Unfortunately, babies are born into this world with car seat repellent limbs.

Straight from the shitty parent's instruction manual, here's how to (not) get your kid into a  car seat.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

How To Be The Perfect Mom




how to be the perfect mom

Hi, I'm Perfect Mom, nice to formally meet you. You actually know me quite well because I live inside your head. You've assembled me from women you see on TV, Pinterest, and your social media. I am the perceptions that you bully yourself with. I fill you with guilt and doubt and make you question if you do enough, if you are enough.
It just so happens I have some time to spare between my anal bleaching appointment and our weekly family fun night, so I thought I'd tell you a little bit about what it takes to be, well, perfect.